Christmas time without my son

This Christmas time has been one of mixed emotions. I have been excited for Christmas traditions, and time with family, but while doing all those things, there has been this whole in my heart wishing I could be having my son's first Christmas with him. Which feelings were only magnified each time I had a friend share pictures of their child's first Christmas.

Thankfully, the day after Christmas, I was on facebook and saw a post by a friend with a poem entitled, "I'm spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year." As I was reading it, I knew I wanted to post it on my blog, and here it is.

"I'M SPENDING CHRISTMAS WITH JESUS CHRIST THIS YEAR"

I see the countless Christmas trees

Around the world below,

With tiny lights like heaven's stars

Reflecting in the snow. 

The sight is so spectacular

please wipe away that tear

for I am spending CHRISTMAS

WITH JESUS CHRIST this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs

that people hold so dear

but the sound of music can't compare

with the CHRISTMAS CHOIR up here.

I have no words to tell you 

of the JOY their voices bring

for it is beyond description

to HEAR THE ANGELS SING. 

I know how much you miss me, 

I see the pain inside your heart

for I am spending CHRISTMAS 

WITH JESUS CHRIST this year.

I can't tell you of the SPLENDOR 

or the PEACE here in this place

Can you just imagine CHRISTMAS

WITH OUR SAVIOR face to face?

I'll ask him to lift your spirit 

as I tell him of your love

so then PRAY FOR ONE ANOTHER

as you lift your eyes above.

Please let your hearts be joyful

and let your spirit sing

for I am spending CHRISTMAS IN HEAVEN

and I’m walking WITH THE KING.

(Author: Wanda Bencke)

Since finding this poem, it seems to have lifted my spirits a little, as I ponder what it would be like to be with the Savior during the celebration of his birth. What an incredible experience that must be. And as the poem says, I truly feel my son is aware of me and my feelings, and there are times I feel him near.

I am grateful for my faith in God and Jesus Christ. I am grateful my son got to spend his first Christmas with Jesus Christ, and other loved ones that too have left this life behind. I thank God for all I have in life, and especially my husband who has been there for me through all of life's challenges, and is always there to listen and hold me while I left my emotions out. This year has been one of sadness and joy. But I sure do miss my boy. Know mommy loves you my dear, Michael!