Reflection of this past year

This past year has turned out so differently that I had anticipated. When I think back on the past year, I am in shock as where life has taken me. I know my every step has been directed by my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, who has helped brighten my darkest moments, lighten my heaviest of burdens, has helped me to learn and grow more in this year than I thought possible.

One year ago today, I gave birth to my son. He was born premature and too early to survive outside the protection of my womb. But regardless of all this, as held his precious body, the spirit of the Lord brought comfort and peace, letting me know I would see my son again, and although he is with God for this season of his life, he is my son and will be mine through all eternity. In my darkest moments, the comfort of the Lord was always there to help bring me back to the light and hope of my Saviors atonement and love.

There have been many moments where sorrow turns to hope, sadness turns to love, and despair turns to peace. I miss my son every day, but there is a connection with him that I feel. I know his spirit may not always be nearby, but his heart and mind are connected. I can feel his love for me, as I believe he can feel my love for him.

There have been many moments where I do feel my son is close, there are moments I feel he is not close, but always aware of me. I am grateful to my Heavenly Father who allows me to feel of that connection with my son and the moments he is near. And over the past year, I have gotten better in tune with sensing those moments, and know that ability will only grow with time.

There is a video I have found (link at the bottom), that I feel explains exactly how I feel, but in a different way than presented in the clips. The video talks about how motherhood is a partnership with the Lord, and how the Lord helps you raise your children and bless you as you do. As I was watching that video today, I felt so blessed to have that same partnership with the Lord with my son. It is different than most mothers, because I am not raising my son, but it is still a partnership as I love my son, and live worthy to be with God and my son again, when my turn on earth ends.

Mothers often say how much they change being a mother, I too have changed this past year. But my changes have been with learning to accept the Lord’s plan for me, especially when it goes against everything I want for me. My faith in God has grown, my understanding of how life after death works in conjunction with family relationships. My love for my son and my dear husband have grown more than I thought possible. My ability to recognize the Lord’s tender mercies in my life has increased, I truly know the tender mercies of the Lord surround us, but often they go unnoticed. I am learning to notice them, and hope to continue to grow in that ability so I can express gratitude to my Father in Heaven for all his tender mercies. I know my journey in life is not over, there is much to learn and accomplish, but I am confident in saying “I am headed in the right direction.”

I am shocked and grateful for how strong my love for my husband has grown and how strong our relationship has grown. I did not think it was possible to grow this much, but it is! And I am grateful to know that such a wonderful man is by my side helping me navigate the challenges that life brings. It is always easier to have a partner in crime…and sorrow…and he is just that. I love you dearly, for time and all eternity!

I love my son! I miss you but know you, and I, are right where we are to be at this time, according to the Lord’s will. My heart aches to be with you again and see you face. Always remember you are loved dearly by your parents. Mommy love you, Michael, and always will! Given Heavenly Father a hug for me!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WbYLKVgwztY